I love the gas crisis – and for one reason: it’s forcing me to think.
No longer can I blindly fill my tank, strap on my leather gloves, don my Windsor and take a “leisurely drive” for the sole purpose of relaxation, sightseeing, incessantly listening to my new favorite song, etc. Now, I think – can I afford this shit?? Will this car trip yield positive ROI???
I even find myself subsequently considering the environment, as if the thought of the depletion of my wallet is somehow linked to the depletion of the ozone layer.
Basically, nowadays, the mere idea of driving to no particular destination for no particular reason fills me with overwhelming guilt, apprehension, and uncertainty.
Yes, the age of innocence is fading – the age of the mini cooper is dawning.
Now whenever I go to anywhere-outside-of-the-big-city, and see the corpulent cowboys in their enormous white pickups, I try to imagine the epic battle raging inside their heads. Are they trying to reconcile with the fact that they may have to shed their manhood and downsize their mode of transportation for the sake of feeding their kids? Some of them must be going back and forth: “I can’t buy a fuel-efficient Japanese car and still call myself a true American – can I??” “I can’t drive a Hybrid and not look gay – can I??” “If I start jogging to work, what could I possibly wear that won’t look gay??”
(I, of course, must ask you, the audience: “Can I make a social critique of a prevalent American homophobic mindset without seeming insensitive??”).
Sorry – back to the gas-related rant.
It hasn’t been the easiest transition for me either. I walk places now.
The grocery store is a convenient, five-minute drive from my house but now that I’m trying to save every goddamned drop of precious fuel possible, I find myself walking a mile for a Camel, so to speak
(I don’t smoke BTW) (Like my outdated ad reference?)
On the upside though, I’ve been getting some pretty good exercise. I even ran to work once a couple weeks ago (and quickly got lost, as streets and landmarks tend to look a bit different when not viewed from the inside of a moving vehicle).
Of course, not every cupcake has a creamy center: my roommate sold his car recently and now asks for rides to work everyday due to the lame coincidence of him working in the same building as me. I have to admit this sucks. He talks my fucking ear off the whole way over and adds extra weight to the vehicle, which costs me more gas. Sometimes I find myself driving like an asshole when he’s in the car, in hopes that he’ll fear for his life too much to ride with me in the future. No such luck so far.
So I guess I could very well represent the average consumer confronted with this ‘disastrous’ energy crisis.
So I’ve had to change my patterns a little bit; change the way I think – and somehow, this has led to me reducing my environmental footprint as well.
Actually, I’ll go so far as to say that overall: this crisis has helped me as a person. A part of me is even thankful to the large oil corporations, corrupt politicians and everyone else who has contributed to the creation of my new, superior lifestyle.
Thanks everyone. I think everything is going to be … alright.